OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
