No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
