i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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