I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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