She's JV to your varsity
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
