he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
