and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
