she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
