don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Of course I have a pirate flag
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
