C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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