judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
