Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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