the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
