some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
