I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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