I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
