just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
