I have demons in me.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
