Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
