wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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