You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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