please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
