I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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