I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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