fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
