Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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