Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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