You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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