i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
