apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
