My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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