Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
