Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
