um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
