No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
