Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
