White coat. Heels.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
