If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she woke up with a sticky ear
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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