um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
