if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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