I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
