she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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