My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
