ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
