Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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