Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
