We should be called the Road Head Warriors
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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