WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
