Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize