how can u be prego again
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
