Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
