i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
