Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
