There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize