Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
