I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i've created a new STD.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
