weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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