I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
