real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
