those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
