No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
