I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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