well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
