If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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