We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
did i just pee glitter
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
