shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
