so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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