Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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