I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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