3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
