My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
