you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
