At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
