Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I wish i was in the wii world.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize