hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
