She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
