Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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