but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
