made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize