I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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