Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just threw up on my dentist
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
