BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize